Why...? Why do I like you?

Ever understood the meaning of "self doubt"?...not the word but really understanding the meaning? Ever been wilted to your core?

What do I like in you...

I don't know...

Is it your touch?

The feeling that no matter who else does, will never be the same. The feeling I have, when my mind wanders outside my body to see how it looks.

The feeling I have were all my sense start dancing. The thought in which I hope that this moment never escapes. My skin crawls, but I know I never want it to end. My body becomes stiff but my mind becomes alive.

I twitch, I shake, I become aware of you & me and the warmth between us.

But even then I still don't Know...

The way you laugh?

That innocent laugh you know is addictive that I would do anything to keep it. Cook up any story so to hear it again. Not a half cooked smile but that laugh, that sweet giggle that is an after thought of a child that had done something wrong and confronted with, and the way you use it to hide your shyness. That laugh in which you look up to loose my eye contact and you hide your face with your hands to fade away your blush.

But in the midst of all this, I still don't know...

Is it the dreams you have?

The ones that I know are so naïve and sweet that I don't want it to get lost in the reality that I have seen. The aspirations so full of hope and life that I am ready to get it for you even if I have to forget mine.

But even as my strength is reserved, I still don't know...

There is something that keeps me hooked, that gets my heart pounding, that feeling I used to get when I was younger.

The lover in me had died long back. Or is it?

Is it that he had become tired and is resting, waiting?

Is there still passion left in me?

Can you help me bring it out?

Should I even give it a chance?

Give us a chance?

My mind screams at times. It just plain screams with pain but all that people hear is a my laugh. All cooked up, wide and big laughs.

The toughness that I have projected might be a lie. It becomes clear to me at times. I fear when it might become transparent to all.

I need to be tough, for all my people out there. But I need a support, a shoulder in which once in a while I can rest my head with assurance that the hand that is caressing my hair is with love, giving me the strength to fight on, fight back. Recharges me to live on.

I have found love far too many times and I have found it again. Then why is that I fear it. Why is that my mind pulls back when my hands want me to pull you in my arms and hug you for all eternity.

Is that my problem?

Is it my curse?

Is it the balancing act of god?

I don't Know...I really don't know.