Going back...

You fall in nature, you are in pain but happy. You fall in the chaos we live in, we are broken beyond repair and scrappy.

I glare at the mountains, Like a child looking at its mother, and like any mother who express her love with a gentle run of her hands through your hair she replied back to me by running a breeze right through mine

showing her warmth and her care.

As I move away from it all,

from the clear look of the skies,

the innocent song of the brooks,

to the unstained proudness of the land and the mountains,

the naughtiness of the banyans and the greens,

the freedom and the freshness of its occupants,

and the untamed mildness of the weather,

I do feel a bit hollow knowing that I will miss them all in the jungle that I live in.

In all the chaos and the wild that sets in, in all of us after a while to tackle that rush and the speed out there among those concrete structures we call home.

I might not be a corrupt soul yet, but why do I feel that the mother nature has already rejected me. The same me that once ran my hand through its rivers and walked with its beings.

I feel alone.

I feel the call and the scold.

I feel the push and the pull.

I feel the resolve and the confusion. In the small cottage space that was mine in the midst of all the trees, there was nothing to give me company but I never felt alone as I do now. There was always something watching over me. Giving me the good vibes and the gentle rhymes. But here and now there are lots that surround me. Both human and non, but with very less humanity in it all. Very less love in it all. It's not the gentle hum that my mind tunes into now but the trumpets of a sound that's kind of yelling out my responsibility and doings.

The pull of the wild in the cities is like a fly stuck in a web. You are always trying to escape from it and from the final peril, that is the spider. But The spider that's closing in on you is your own construct. A finale for all the decals that you have made there. You have no escape. Only a few do. And they have no clue of how they did it. Few boast about it but I am pretty sure they did not plan on it. You become so involved with the web that the reject of the mother that I talked before, acts like the push again back into the web. The push of the things that was once dear to me back into the trap that is the city not known to me.

When I was young there was a confusion in me. A confusion that fueled a fire inside. After which there was a short time when I felt a resolve in, where my life had a direction. Now truth be told the confusion has again stepped in but in a different form. Now its just tiring me, running my soul which is out of its breath. Have I made the right decisions along the way? Could I have done it better? Have I made a wrong turn somewhere? Why can't I answer all these questions with the same conviction that I once had.

Want to find my way back to the clarity I had. Want to look into the sky one day and hug the mother nature to get one good sleep before the final curtain call.